Hits you when you’re down

Right now I’ve got Bonnie Tyler going around and around in my head …

It’s a heartache, nothing but a heartache

Hits you when it’s too late, hits you when you’re down
It’s a fool’s game, nothing but a fool’s game

Standing in the cold rain, feeling like a clown.

Not only am I being smacked in the face with the annual Valentines Day advertising and movie releases but because this year (yes finally), I have a boyfriend, so it seems that there is a meme where I am being given the proverbial elbow and the very repetitive combo of “So it’s a bit special for you then eh? What are you guys going to do?”

I started out scribbling a few notes for a Valentines Day-ish post on how I dealt with some of the ‘one’s that got away’ and what I found were the best ways to survive the heartache that I’d felt over the years however with things that happened during the day today, Bonnie’s song kept repeating and repeating and other lyrics started me down the path of how heartache can also happen when you are struggling to come to terms with what you are feeling in other circumstances.

It’s a heartache, nothing but a heartache

Love him till your arms break, then he lets you down.
It ain’t right with love to share, when you find he doesn’t care for you.

It ain’t wise to need someone, as much as I depended on you.

I know I am not the only girl in the world who has had her heartbroken, or who has felt like it could be the end of the world.
More than once I’ve had that twinge of “oooh, this might be something” only to have it implode/explode in to a massive wall of disappointment.
Without resorting to smashing plates, or faces, I eventually found a few ways to help me deal with this emotional crash.

Tell someone
- People around us can see when we’re hurting – but special friends will be there to support us in ways that don’t need to be verbalised
Admit that it hurts
1. I absolutely hate to admit that someone has hurt me – even after all this time I don’t think I could say it to their face – partly because I don’t want the person to think they have power over me. Even though they probably don’t even think of me (welcome to my overactive thought process)
Don’t hide from your life – or your friends
Step away from the computer
- So much of our life is online these days, and theirs too. Removing shared pages, photographs might help but also deleting or blocking people for a time can help the healing
Realise that you are not the only reason that it didn’t evolve in to something else
- There is a chance that they feel bad for hurting you and are possibly hurting themselves. Knowing this made me feel a little better.

Crazy as all logic tells me now, as well as then, I would almost punish myself for a time – a long time. Who knows why I did it. Perhaps I was trying to find fault with myself as a reason, I’d tell myself I wasn’t good enough to be chosen – when its not actaully a competition. The heart wants what the heart wants and if we’re all completely honest, we will admit that even when we want to, we can’t chose the one we want to be with!

And from here my thoughts and feelings went all the way back to how I had already responded to some of the Valentines Day 2012 ribbing I had received.
Because it is early days yet and in true me style, I’m scared of what might happen tomorrow – or the next day. I’ve got this stupid thing in the back of my brain that tells me I’ll fuck it up.
The thought of depending on someone freaks me out quite a lot! I’m resisting these weird urges to hold back, to pull away and I can’t explain it. It’s just an emotional preservation instinct – isn’t it?

I responded to one tweet today with something along the lines of “ahh still too early to get excited and we’re too far apart so it’s just another day”
Inside I was thinking “I’ll make a phone call in the morning, some lovely texts during the day and then snog him silly when I see him a couple of days later”. Truth be told, I’m actually really excited that someone might want to wish me Happy Valentines Day (p.s. K – no pressure – honest!).